Thoughts... Feb 15, 2020 7:46:10 GMT
Post by Molly Hatchet on Feb 15, 2020 7:46:10 GMT
I look down at her upon my bed, sleeping peacefully and yet I cannot. My mind won't stop even if my body wracked by fatigue and exhaustion. My muscles quiver and nerves tingle as they often do after a passion filled night capping off a long day of parkour across the city of Osaka. I'm jealous that sleep comes so easy for you, dearest Cherry. I can't seem to close my eyes for more than a few minutes before I'm awake again. I quietly curse my mind and all it's complexity, all the noise bouncing around inside my skull, making the dream of a restful night an impossibility. I'm used to it for most of my life of course. All the doubts, insecurities, issues, and memories that haunt me each and every day.
Am I doing the right thing by coming back? I hear the question reverberate a thousand times or against the confines of my mind upon asking. I found a lover who accepts me, been wise enough with my money to pack away enough to live comfortably if I choose to do so, and I've achieved more by this tender age of twenty five than many do in twice the span of a life. In the wrestling community, I was considered a veteran before many would even be fully trained. Is it pride and vanity that drags me back here? Is it something to prove? Or could it be that one prize that has eluded me my entire career as a wrestler....
....a world championship to call my own....
I have more than most for certain; someone to hold me on a cold night, a roof above me that I can call mine, several means to make a living, good enough looks to model and take it easy, and the knowledge to make it in several fields that are far easier than this. I can go anywhere in the world whenever I want and travel without the necessity of being booked and having my airfare bought and paid for. I've seen so many beautiful vistas, climbed skyscrapers and mountains across the world, and conquered nearly every obstacle I've ever had placed before me.
My eyes are allowed to drift away from the tattooed beauty sleeping in the bed and out of the apartment window to look upon the neon lit building across the street. Osaka had it's own allure for me. It wasn't the first place I'd wrestled in Japan, but it was home to where I won my first Japanese Championship, the Eastern Iron Wrestling Deathmatch Championship of all things. It's the reason why I began collecting tattoos. Much like my best friend in this sport, I got them to cover up particularly nasty wounds and scars and treated them a bit like trophies of sorts. Each one is an added layer to an already interesting story.
I didn't necessarily want to be known as a deathmatch wrestler because I could do so much more than that, but Japan left me with that reputation because that's how they chose to book me. I was the suicidal Gaijin who smiled as I looked death right in his empty black eye-holes. I never complained, always did as I was asked by the promoters and the only time I ever had problems was when I finally left Japan after two years of dominance fighting some of the bloodiest fights this country had to offer.
All anyone knew of me was that I was a "garbage death-match wrestler" who got big bleeding all over Japan. Far from the truth, but what can you do? It seemed as if I was never to be anything more than a mid-tier gimmick in the United States. The frustration could cripple just about anyone given enough time to fester. It's that same frustration and worry that keeps me awake now as I rest my forehead against the glass of the hotel room window. That same frustration that cost me the very thing I sought so hard in WWA before.... World Championship Gold. Will NFW be the place where I finally break the reputation of being "too hardcore" for Main Eventer Status? Will I be able to keep my demons in check and not let them get the better of me as they've time and again?
For my sake, I sure as fuck hope so. I'm so very tired of starting over again and again. Yet if that's what it takes, so be it. I have to make my steps, show respect when I can, and pay my dues for the umpteenth time in my life. Perhaps here, things will be different. NFW could be the place I've been looking for. I've said this too so many times and yet the hope always returns, making my heart beat just a wee bit faster. I will always have expectations and be willing to risk the disappointment when they are not met, but only because when they are, it's the grandest feeling in the world. For now, I think I'll slide into bed and hold my wicked Cherry close.