Training Day, Part V-2: Where My Demons Hide Jan 20, 2020 10:06:13 GMT -8
Post by Morgan Payne on Jan 20, 2020 10:06:13 GMT -8
Trigger Warning: This section has a mention of sexual abuse and may be difficult to read for some people. Read at your own discretion. Otherwise, enjoy the chapter. Thank you.January 19, 2020
Morgan opened her eyes and found herself standing in front of a large door. A familiar door, at that. She took a step back and turned around, looking out across the property she was on and knew most of like the back of her hand. Morgan was suddenly dressed in her shoes, jeans and a t-shirt with her jacket. She stepped out from under the overhang of the massive mansion she was suddenly standing in front of. How did she get here? Did she black out on the rest of her training and now was being dropped off? Morgan turned back towards the doors to the large home in front of her. Her home. The Castle. Morgan wasn’t sure how she got here but she felt a sudden thrill inside her as she grabbed the doorknob and turned it, stepping into the wide entry way.
Walking into the Castle, Morgan’s ears were met with the sound of giggles and laughter. That said everyone was in the family room. The girls. Tim. The twins. Morgan felt her heart lift as she moved through the entry room and made her way into the family room. She entered to find everyone seated on the furniture. The twins were watching Frozen on Blu-Ray. Well, the twins and Lilith were. Tim was sitting on the loveseat with Mary resting against him and his arm around her. Jasmine was stretched out on the couch, using Lluvia’s lap as a pillow while the Cherokee mother of the twins ran her fingers through Jasmine’s hair. Alexa, the twins nanny and Lluvia’s good friend was sitting in the single chair. All laughing and conversing about the usual topics. The entire scene warmed Morgan’s heart and she was glad to be among them again. She was glad to be home.
“Hey!” Morgan called happily, throwing her hands up to present that she was there. Nothing. Nobody looked up. Nobody reacted at all as if they had heard her call out. Perhaps the TV was too loud. It got that way sometimes and they had to speak up or turn it down. Morgan moved around the room, coming to stand by the TV where she’d be easier to notice right off the bat. “Heeey! Yinz miss me?!” She said loudly over the TV. Or at least she thought it was loud enough. Lluvia lifted her eyes from Jasmine’s and they swept right passed where Morgan was standing and settled on Alexa as the two talked. Morgan’s smile fell into a confused frown. Even felt a little hurt by what she saw as blatant ignoring of her presence.
“Umm...hello? Guys?” Morgan lifted her hands from her sides, giving a weary, uncomfortable smile. “This some kinda joke or somethin’?” She motioned her hands up and down her own body before shrugging them out again. “Am I invisible n’at?”
“Pretty much, yeah.” A voice said from across the room. Morgan looked across, about to clap back at whoever had the big mouth and the froze. Leaning back against the far all of the family room, dressed in all black - pants, boots, solid t-shirt and a leather jacket...was her. A literal, identical image of herself pulled a pack of Newports out of her jacket pocket and stuck one in her mouth. She sparked the end up and ‘mmmmed’ on that first inhale.
“Hey! No smokin’ in da hahs!” Morgan made a motion to her head - ‘what are you stupid?’ - and crossed the room to approach the mirror version of herself.
“Oh piss off. They can’t see me. Just like they can’t see you, neither!” Her...what did she even call her? Her twin? Clone? Doppleganger? The image of herself in the black mimicked the same look Morgan had just given her and motioned to the girls, kids and Tim.
“What?” Morgan looked around at the family room in the Castle, before bringing her attention back to her other self. “What are...wait...is dis like a vision?”
“Sure as shit is!” Her other self pushed off of the wall with her foot, pacing right passed her, with a shoulder bump. “Well, kinda sorta. See, Van Owen call it a trial n’at but dis is just life. Showin’ ya what’s good while you’re at Connor’s playin’ fuckin’ grasshopper. See how happy everyone is?” She motioned to the Kingdom all enjoying themselves. “Here, lemme hush up and you check aht what they’re sayin’, yeah?” Morgan’s other self put a finger to her lips and sarcastically craned her ear towards them. Morgan followed her gaze and looked at the people again. Her loved ones. Her family.
“So nice and quiet here lately, isn’t it?” Lluvia said
“How wonderful. I can hear myself think again!” Jasmine agreed
“Especially with Morgan gone.”
Lluvia brushed Jasmine’s cheek idly as they talked. Hearing Lluvia’s words prompted Timothy Hunt to turn from Sativa to Lluvia and Jasmine.
“Tell me about it! It’s nice being able to sit and not hear her yapping about something every five seconds.”
Morgan froze where she stood and felt her jaw slowly dropping in disbelief. Was she even hearing this right? Glad she was gone? She looked over at the version of herself in all black who just made a half-serious/half-sarcastic cringe.
“See what I mean?” She thumbed sideways to the Kingdom. “There’s a reason we got dat whole fear o’abandonment. S’cuz it always fuckin’ happens!” She counted on her fingers. “Our Ma wanted nothin’ t’do with us. Our goddamn friends in school all ditched us. We can’t even hold a relationship worth a shit! Yanno we ain’t ever had a fuckin’ one year anniversary wif anybody? Ya realize dat, yeah?”
“Dis is some kinda joke, right?” Morgan asked Dark Morgan, rubbing her temples. She refused to even believe what she was hearing from her loved ones, and whoever this...look alike was, was pissing her off. “You’re fuckin’ wif me, right nah, right?”
Dark Morgan rolled her eyes. “And what da hell would I get from doin’ dat? I’m you! And you’re me! We’re da same! I’m just the part o’you dat knows how shit really oughta be. I’ve accepted da fact dat aint nobody ever gonna give a shit abaht us. May as well just shut everybody aht and live ya own life.”
“...I am livin’ my own life…” Morgan frowned, looking at the Kingdom again.
“Mm-mmh!” Dark Morgan raised an index finger and smirked wickedly. “Are ya? Or are ya livin’ da way they want ya t’live? Look at what happened yesterday! Ya tried pointin’ aht somethin’ abaht Tim and everybody jumped down ya fuckin’ throat for it because ya ain’t followin’ their thought process! Ya trynna stick up for Kenzie for seein’ da bullshit in da Guardians and takin’ her ball and bahncin’! Everybody else is defendin’ Adrien and attackin’ you for not doin’ da same! Even he went off on ya!” Dark Morgan turned and pointed to Timothy Hunt. “And did any o’these bitches come to your side over it?” She motioned around to the rest of the Kingdom. “Hell nah! Why? Cuz they don’t. Really. Fuckin’. Care.”
“A’ight! Shuttup!” Morgan brought her hands off her temples and shouted at Dark Morgan. “If that were even true then why keep me...us...ugh. Why keep us arahnd?”
Dark Morgan shrugged and dragged on the Newport she’d lit up. “Hey, les’ be honest. They’re still human. We ain’t exactly chopped liver and we know how t’fuck. And dis bitch has needs.” She pointed with the cigarette down at Jasmine Matthews on the couch who was laughing at something Mary said. This got Dark Morgan's attention and the black clad copy turned and pointed to Mary. “That one? Oh she’s a fuckin’ trip. Ya think she gives a goddamn? Listen t’hah she goes ahn and ahn abaht Jasmine bein’ her girl. How they’re always talkin’ abaht marriage. What, ya think there’s gonna be some mass fuckin’ multi-ceremony n’at? Get aht and get real. Soon as these two cunts tie da knot….” Dark Morgan motioned between Mary and Jasmine, “...we get kicked t’da fuckin’ curb!”
Morgan shook her head. “No! No, Mary loves me. She’s da one dat asked Jassy t’let me in so we could be together.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake. Don’t call her dat. Yanno she hates dat name? She’s just bein’ nice so she ain’t gotta see dat sad ass mope face we do. Trus’ me. I did in da mirror while ya were on da way here, wonderin’ how pathetic it was? Lemme tell ya….” Dark Morgan whistled and shook her head. "But yeah, let’s be honest. Mary don’t give a fuck abaht us. If she did, she wouldn’t be throwin’ cute lil tweets at other bitches."
“We talked abaht dat--”
“She told us what we wanted t’hear!” Dark Morgan snapped at her. Yup. The Kingdom definitely couldn’t hear them. They would have heard that. Dark Morgan pushed away from the back of the couch she was leaning on and jabbed her cigarette like a pointer at Morgan. “Yanno why she brought us in? For her!” She motioned to Jasmine. “She did it to feed her! Reptile’s got it’s preferences and we just happen to fit the bill for one. I mean shit, who doesn’t like a bitch part Italian, part Latina? We might be stupid but we’re hot, right? We’re the perfect bitch to bring in, manipulate and use as a piece of ass. Shit, we been gettin’ used since we were a teenager. Our gym teacher even in 9th grade! Remember dat?”
Morgan closed her eyes and felt her stomach turn as she shook her head. “Don’t fuckin’ mention that.”
“Mention what? How we didn’t quite do good enough t’make the competition in liftin’ class? How we were worried abaht Pops bein disappointed in us and seein’ what a fuckin failure we were? How we begged and begged to be signed up and coach told us ‘yeah sure, fine. I’ll sign ya up. But ya gotta do somethin’ for me, Morgan. Kinda pretty yanno dat?” Dark Morgan nudged her with an elbow. “Say, how come we ain’t ever told anyone dat? Oh wait! We told dat other Morgan chick. Reid. Yeah. Cuz we ended up talkin’ abaht first times yadda yadda. We told her our gym coach was a hot guy in his twenties and dat we moved on him. Instead we had a greasy juice head in his forties make us do things that still turn our stomach but we lied to our new friend so that we’d sound cool. ‘Yeah, girl! Get dat dick!’ Now we just gotta sit and wonder, does she think we’re a slut for dat? I mean we’re not but…or maybe are are?” She stuck the cigarette in her mouth and frowned thoughtfully. Dark Morgan shrugged. “Maybe we are. I mean how many people do we look at on da timeline and think ‘yeah, we’d fuck her. We’d blow him.’ Shit we even told Birdie if we was single, we’d fuck her pretty lil ass stupid. How ya think Mary’d react if she found that aht?”
“Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!!” Morgan shouted at the top of her lungs. “SHUT! DA FUCK! UP!” Morgan turned towards Dark Morgan, bringing up her trembling hands, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Bitch! YOU know it’s true just as much as I do!” Dark Morgan stuck a finger in her chest. “You think I’m bein’ mean. Nah, I’m jus’ bein’ fuckin’ real! I’m tellin’ you what you been thinkin’! I’m confirmin’ it, n’at!”
“You ain’t confirmin’ shit.” Another voice said. Well...oddly enough, it was her voice again but it was neither Morgan nor her dark copy in black. Instead, she looked over with misty eyes and clenched teeth to see...another vision of herself. This one was cleaner than the black clad one standing before her with unkempt hair and dark circles under her eyes. The new image of her was dressed just as casually as they were but much...neater, could have been the word. Slick blue jeans that hugged her hips and legs, shined black boots and a sleek, form fit white tanktop. Her hair was pulled back into a tight short ponytail and there was something about her overall aura that was just...gentle.
Dark Morgan looked over and grimaced like a despised family member just walked in. “Ah, for fuck’s sake! What da fuck’re you doin’ here?”
“Someone’s gotta counter da bullshit you’re spewin’ aht.” Light Morgan said, walking up to make the duo a trio.
Morgan looked between both visions of herself and raised an eyebrow, forgetting her looming sadness for a minute. “A’ight, dis is gettin’ fuckin’ weird. Who are you?” She nodded her chin at the light vision of herself. Light Morgan waved with a two finger salute from her temple.
“Sup!” She said at first. “Ehh, it’s kinda complicated. Yanno how in movies y’see people wif like...devil an’ angel n’at?” She brought two hands up and motioned to Morgan’s shoulders. “Dat’s who we are. She’s da mean one. I’m da nice one.” She said, motioning to Dark Morgan.
“Hush, bitch. Ain’t nobody talkin’ t’you!” She pointed a firm finger then turned to Morgan. “She’s your sense of fear. Your self doubt. The side of you that makes you see alla da negative sides o’things and makes ya wonder if ya did da wrong thing, even if ya did the right thing.”
“I’m the paht o’us dat shows her da truth.”
“Noooo, dat’s me. You’re like a fuckin’ cancer dat’s been holdin’ her back her entire life cuz ya don’t know how t’ pick ya fuckin battles. Yanno how great we’d be if ya weren’t slappin’ a big fat ‘WHAT IF’ on everything?”
“Like what if the girls here think we’re gone for so long because we started fuckin’ Connor? Or Van Owen? I dunno why we feel bad abaht even thinkin’ they’re good lookin’!” She brought a hand to her mouth so Light Morgan couldn’t see it and added, “Hey, they are right? What’d be the harm in doin’ it? Not like ‘hashtag our girls’ and ‘hashtag our man’ don’t be thinkin’ abaht fuckin’ some o’those honeys and studs on that Twitter timeline, yeah? You remember when Mary was flirtin’ wif Vanita? I’ll betcha a hundred bucks she fist banged that bitch at some point already!”
“Will you fuckin’ knock it ahff?!” Light Morgan interrupted, snapping at Dark Morgan. She turned to Morgan then, who had now tightened her jaw and had mist building in her eyes. A single tear ran down her cheek. “Hey hey hey, no. Don’t do dat. Dat means you’re lettin’ her get t’ya. Look at me. Listen.” Light Morgan stepped up and grabbed Morgan’s shoulders. “You. Are not. Worthless. Hear me? You are not a disappointment. You’re not a failure at anything. You’re not alone. These girls? That guy? Them kids?” She pointed to the Collective and the Little Royals. “They miss us. They love us. They want us t’come home. They may not like dat we’re gone for so long. Nobody likes seein’ a loved one go away for any period o’time but we’re gonna come back. We’re gonna be better. They’re gonna be SO proud of us!”
“Yeah right, let’s listen again.” Dark Morgan made a motion like she was turning a knob. “Aaaaaaand turn up da volume!” She then brought a hand to her ear, mockingly to listen as Morgan was made to hear the Collective’s conversation again.
“Baby, I’m sorry I even asked to let such a lowlife into our ranks.” Mary rolled her eyes.
Jasmine laughed. “Hahaha! It’s fine dear. I’ll forgive you. You can make it up to me later.”
“Absolutely. Then we can forget all about her.”
Hearing those words come from Mary and Jasmine’s mouths…. Morgan brought a hand over her mouth and fell back against the wall as the tears came. She looked directly at the two other members as she slid down against the wall with a single sob escaping from her throat.
“No! No no, don’t do that!” Light Morgan of her interrupted, drowning out the voices of the Collective again. She stood over Morgan. “Hey, c’mon, get up! Don’t let dat shit get in your head! The fear’s real but dat ain’t! They miss us. C’mon!”
“Like fuck they do! What we gotta hear it directly said to us?!” Dark Morgan said, shrugging her shoulders up. “Cheese an’ crackers, a’ight then!”
In a blink, the two alternate visions of herself were gone and she was in the Castle. Same spot she slumped down in, except now it was night time and she was alone in the family room.
“Hey!” That voice. Morgan’s head shot up and she looked at the entrance of the room as Mary came walking towards her.
“Baby!” Morgan said with relief in her voice as she got to her feet. She was just about to feel relief as she stepped forward to pull the woman into her arms but Mary put her hands up to stop her.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. You do not fucking get it do you? Why are you still here?” Mary said, looking at Morgan with a coldness in her eyes that hit Morgan like a slap in the face. She looked around Morgan’s feet and waved her hands a little. “Where’s your shit? Have you even packed yet?”
“What?” Morgan looked confused, looking at her feet to see nothing around her. When she looked up again, Mary jabbed a finger in her face.
“Get. The fuck. Out! Get out! Now!” Mary pointed at the door. “You’ve been told! Don’t make us call the goddamn police! Or does Jasmine have to get the dogs?”
“Mary? Babe, what’s going on?” Lluvia walked in, looking concerned at first then rolled her eyes as soon as she saw Morgan there. She stormed right up beside Mary and got in Morgan’s face. “Why are you still here?! Get out! I don’t want you around me. I don’t want you around my girls. I don’t want you around my man. I definitely don’t want you around my kids! Get out of here!”
“...Lluv…?” Morgan barely got the name out as more tears ran down her face.
“You ain’t supposed to be here, anymore, Morgan.” No. No no no. Not that voice. Not that voice saying those words. Morgan turned around to see Lilith standing with her arms crossed, standing by the couch. She frowned coldly at her. “Just go away. Leave us alone.” She said in her soft, light Southern accent that Morgan always thought was so adorable. She’d told her so many times before and always got the sweetest smile from it. Now, however. Her scowl could have frozen Hell over.
“Wh-wha...Lilly?” Morgan stammered out as she went to take a step forward only to have Mary and Lluvia cut her off and start moving forward to back her away.
“Don’t even look at her. It’s your fault we almost lost her.” Mary said with venom in her tone.
“What?! Wh-what are y--”
“If you hadn’t come around, she would have never met Alex and left us. We wouldn’t have had to bear the hurt of losing one of our own to someone who hates us! Who thinks we’re a cult! No wonder your family left you for another promotion. They realized the kind of fuck up you are way before we did.”
“Boo, please! I--”
“DON’T...call me that.” Mary cut her off sharply with her hands coming up like she wanted to strangle her. “I always hated that fucking nickname. It sounds like something a three year old would use for a toy. I am not and never was your ‘Boo’, your ‘babe’, your anything! YOU have always been excess baggage that we didn’t need. We were happy before you, and we’ll be happy after you. Get out!”
Morgan’s breaths came out shakily as tears poured down her face. She looked to Lluvia. The mother of the twins that Morgan had come to adore so much didn’t say a word. She just stood there, arms folded, staring at her expectantly, waiting for her to do as she was told.
“B-but...I don’t understand… Any of this. What did I do? What’d I do wrong?”
“What didn’t you do wrong?” Morgan looked up the stairs at the next voice. Jasmine. With Tim standing beside her; both looking down at her with so much hate in their eyes, she felt like she was going to crumble beneath the weight of it.
“Go. Now!” Jasmine growled through clenched teeth.
“And don’t ever let us see you again.” Tim added before turning and walking back towards Jasmine’s bedroom where she followed.
On their way, Jasmine’s voice called out. “Mary, dear? If she’s not out that door in one minute, text me. I’ll call the dogs. Even royal hounds enjoy eating garbage.”
Morgan may as well have had a knife plunged into her chest right then. To hear her loves spouting so much hatred at her was enough to make her wish she never woke up from this trial. Just let me die.
“Well? You heard her. You got one minute, bitch. Get out!”
“Leave us alone, Morgan.”
“Why?! Please tell me, what did I do?!”
“Mary! Lluv! Lil! Why?!”
“Go away!” Lilith snapped and stepped forward, passed Mary and Lluvia. The blonde woman reached out and snatched away the green stone necklace that Morgan wore around her neck; her Christmas gift from the woman just the previous year.
Morgan stood there, speechless as Lilith stepped back, clutching the necklace in her hand, still watching her with that coldness in her eyes. Morgan swallowed the lump in her throat as the three remaining women watched her. Her eyes went to the ring on her finger from Lluvia. Shakily, she pulled it off of her hand and held it out. Lluvia didn’t reach for it. Her demeanor remained as cold as the others, though. Like a piece of her, forcefully removed, the ring slipped from her hand and clattered to the floor. She backed towards the door, fixated on their hateful eyes with tears in hers. Morgan turned, heart heavy with the pain of rejection she figured she should have grown so accustomed to and opened the front door to the Castle. She stepped out, wiping at her eyes and lifted her gaze up ahead of her. Her jaw dropped. She wasn't even on the Castle grounds anymore....
To Be Continued....