Post by Calypso on Oct 10, 2023 12:52:36 GMT -8
I get asked a lot about my times before the Wolves. Most of the time it’s about how I managed to live as long as I did the way I did. My answer is always the same. It’s the same answer I give for what I’m doing now, ironically enough, but it’s the truth as far as I can see it because it was what I had to do.
One day at a time.
It’s always what made “the plan” with Jesse both hilarious and pathetic. Some would say it was even hilariously pathetic because, let’s face it, planning was never my strong suit. How could it be? I was a latchkey kid drug addict who was never thinking any further ahead than what I needed to get myself off next. Every day was about my next immediate need, a meal, a fix, a place to crash, whatever was next on that relatively short list.
One day at a time.
There was no point in planning out because I was the kind of addict that couldn’t keep a stash. Even if i got one, I either did it all way faster than I thought I would or I shared with others so I didn’t feel like the black hole of humanity that wa sucking everything around it down into the abyss that I felt like when I wasn’t sharing whatever was handy with whomever I could share it with. That’s what made it tolerable, was sharing with others. It made it feel like you were in the same boat with somebody else, even if you were both looking for ways out of that boat and into a better one the whole time.
One day at a time.
That came back to bite me in the ass when I left and tried to jump on the gravy train before it pulled out of the station with Jesse. I didn’t think about how I was being that black hole by leaving. At the time, I didn’t care. I thought Jesse could do things for me they couldn’t.
I was both right and wrong at the same time…
April 4, 2022
Common Room
Wolves of Óðinn Clubhouse
Las Vegas, Nevada
9:07 AM PDT
Several of the Wolves were milling about, Sgt-At-Arms Adrian Murdoch and his fellow Black Sheep, Devil Anse Devlin and Marcus Cain stand near the bar shooting the shit about life in general. Prospect Nate “Demon” Odomes is standing behind the bar engaging in the conversation while getting the drinks ready, though with Murdoch involved the beverages are guaranteed to be non-alcoholic. Prospects Shanice “Cuda” Coleman and Calypso Bates sit apart from the rest by a small table near the corner, Cuda looking like she’s in a relatively good mood while Calypso seems distant and almost distracted.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: When do they get back?
Calypso shakes her head.
Calypso Bates: Hm?
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Oracle and Hadlee, didn’t they both go to Minneota?
Calypso nods, a bit sheepishly.
Calypso Bates: Oh, yeah. I think Ram went with them. Rav said they were supposed to come back soon so he and Ram could get to racing practice again soon. I wanna say, Friday, maybe?
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: They get back from Minnesota Friday or they go to practice Friday?
Calypso starts to answer but stops herself.
Calypso Bates: I… don’t know? I…
Cuda smiles.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: It’s alright, I get it. You’re still worried about everything, right?
Calypso sighs heavily.
Calypso Bates: I just… I don’t know which he was talking about and I didn’t press him on it. It wasn’t my business, you know? I’m just a prospect, he’ll tell me if and when I need to know. I know they were working on getting her a team together to help Robi with her rehab to try and get her back to wrestling…
She shrugs sadly.
Calypso Bates: Not that I know what the plan is there anymore anyway.
Cuda nods understandingly.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: She probably doesn’t know either, Cali, it’s not just you. You know she’s not gonna wanna listen to the docs when they tell her to slow down. Hell, I’ve heard there’s only one that can do that and not get threatened with the toe meat treatment!
Calypso snickers at the thought.
Calypso Bates: She would too, the balls on that woman are insane!
Cuda smiles, happy to see her friend in a better mood.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Have you ever met this mythical creature that can supposedly cow our founder?
Calypso nods, a shudder goes up her spine as the memory floods back over her.
Calypso Bates: Yeah, she comes by the cabin when somebody is there because she’s local. Struck me that way too.
Cuda stares at Calypso in shock.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: You mean, she’s real?
Calypso nods slowly.
Calypso Bates: Yup.
Cuda sits back in her chair, seemingly dumbstruck by the revelation.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Wow…
Calypso nods slowly.
Calypso Bates: I’ve heard stories, that she can save lives when it shouldn't be possible. It’s like the ones you hear about Robi, Dru, Widow and Bullet in many ways, just without any violence. Hers come after the violence when that will no longer solve things.
Cuda shakes her head in disbelief.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: What’d she save somebody from a bullet wound with a pencil?
Calypso Bates: Toothpick and drink coaster actually…
Cuda’s eyes narrow in skepticism.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Seriously?
Calypso shrugs.
Calypso Bates: That was the story I heard. Then again, I heard the Shieldmiaden called “Taza” is called that because she killed somebody with a cup after they tried to grope her. I didn’t ask about the particulars. I was a little busy worrying that I would go looking for pills or coke at the time.
Cuda nods understandingly.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Do you still worry about that?
Calypso sits back in her chair, pondering the question for what feels like an eternity.
Calypso Bates: Not like I did then. Then it was fresh in my mind and I was learning how to deal with things without trying to make it all about what I codul get from somebody else. I was trying to learn how to actually give a shit about something other than my next immediate need.
She pauses and manages a small smile.
Calypso Bates: Robi and Lyric were helping me with that, as were Bullet, Taza and a few others there in New Orleans. Ram, Rav, Oracle and Hadlee were there for me too. They all encouraged me to make amends where I could.
Smiling almost sweetly, Cuda nods, impressed.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Have you?
Calypso frowns.
Calypso Bates: Have I what?
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Made amends where you could?
Calypso nods slowly, a tinge of sadness in her eyes.
Calypso Bates: Some…
Now it was Cuda's turn to frown in confusion.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Some?
Calypso nods, the sadness seemingly growing in her.
Calypso Bates: Yeah, I’ve tried with Jesse, Danni, Remi, Leina, worked better with some than others but I’m still working on the last two.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: But…?
Biting her bottom lip, Calypso looks away.
Calypso Bates: But they aren’t the only ones I could…
She trails off as her eyes moisten.
Calypso Bates: There’s a sort of… warehouse… here in town. Some of us used to squat there…
Cuda cocks her head.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Are the others still there?
Calypso shrugs.
Calypso Bates: I don’t know… I…
Her voice starts to crack but she catches herself and tries to pull it all back together.
Calypso Bates: On the one hand, I hope so because it means they’re alive and I still have a chance with all of them. On the other hand, I hope they’re not because it means they found a way out too…
Cuda smiles.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Wanna go look?
Calypso looks up at her in shock.
Calypso Bates: What?
Cuda nos knowingly.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: I mean we got the Black Sheep and Demon here, we could all go over there together if you’re worried about facing the place alone? Make sure you got back-up just in case some old dealer comes by looking for trouble.
Unable to find the right words, Calypso almost falls out of her chair. She fights with herself to maintain her composure.
Calypso Bates: I can’t ask them to do that…
Before Cuda can answer, Murdoch stands up off his stool.
Adrian Murdoch: Who said you needed to ask, Cali?
Devlin stands up nodding his agreement.
"Devil Anse" Devlin: We were looking for something to do anyway.
Cain makes it unanimous by standing up as well.
"Marcus Cain: Get your asses up, Prospects, we got places to be!
Twenty minutes later…
The Wolves pull up outside a crumbling warehouse and park their bikes.
Adrian Murdoch: Wow, I think I had a fight in this place one time during my dark years…
Anse nods his agreement.
"Devil Anse" Devlin: This does look like the kind of place that would have doubled that way.
Calypso looks at the place and squeezes her handlebars, memories of the things that went on here the last time she saw it flooding back all at once. Murdoch turns to face her as he steps off his bike.
Adrian Murdoch: Are you gonna be good to go in here?
Calypso starts to nod and then stop, seemingly freezing in place as she looks at the doorway.
Calypso Bates: I don't know… but I need to…
Murdoch turns to face the others.
Adrian Murdoch: I’m gonna call Crissie and Chaly and see if one of them can bring the van over here while we wait as back-up. If you see anyone else come near this place while she's in there, do whatever you gotta do to send them on their way.
Cain, Anse, Cuda and Demon all nod and start taking their places to watch over the place. Murdoch nods to Calypso.
Adrian Murdoch: We’re here if you need us
Calypso nods, takes a deep breath and then steps off her bike. Steeling herself, she walks through the doorway and back into the scene of many of her personal demons. She walks by the old office that has been turned into a “crash room” and walks around the corner into the larger inside area. She swallows hard as she sees almost nothing has changed. Sleeping areas still litter the place, ten in number. She sees the one in the far left hand corner nearest the side door that used to be hers and shudders to see it’s exactly where she left it in 2019. As she stares at it, a cold shiver going up her spine, a voice rings out from the other corner.
Voice: Cali?!!??
Calypso turns to face the voice and ses it belongs to exactly who she feared to see here, Robin Atwater. Calypso starts walking towards Robin, every fiber in her being screaming at her to turn around and run. Robin staggers up and starts forward as well, seemingly unable to believe she’s seeing who and what she is seeing. The two make their way to each other, Robin fighting the effects of whatever she’s taken lately while Calypso fights against her own inner turmoil.
"Robin Atwater: Cali? Is that you?
Calypso nods.
Calypso Bates: Yeah, I…
Before another word can come out of Calypso’s lips, Robin slaps her hard across her face.
"Robin Atwater: How could you!!!?!!
?!
Calypso Bates: I deserve that.
Robin nods, her eyes suddenly wild and just as full of rage as they are bloodshot.
"Robin Atwater: Fuckin’ right you did! You LEFT us! You left us all!
Calypso nods again.
Calypso Bates: I did…
"Robin Atwater: Do you have any idea what that did to Liza? To Casey?
Bracing herself for the worst, Calypso looks Robin dead in the eyes.
Calypso Bates: Are they still here too?
Robin glares back at her.
"Robin Atwater: What if they are, you gonna run out of here and hope no one ever finds you again?
Calypso shakes her head.
Calypso Bates: No…
Unmoved and unconvinced, Robin continues to glare back.
"Robin Atwater: One by one, they all…
She trails off, her eyes betraying her, her voice starting to tremble.
"Robin Atwater: Database is gone, Johnny Moss took him in jail. Dead Horse is doing a dime in San Quentin. He got caught in the crossfire of a war and because he squeezed off a shot…
Tears start to roll down her face.
"Robin Atwater: Liza got popped, can’t pay bail. Casey got a job at the Golden Horseshoe or some shit, got somebody to help her fake the drug test so she can pass there. Karen and Alicia work at the Pleasure Dome because they found out management gives free shit to the employees to keep them happy and working. Dana moved in with that piece of shit Mumphrey as basically his live-in whore that works off her tab on her back for him!
Calypso stares at Robin in shock.
Calypso Bates: So… why are you…?
Robin glares through the tears, seemingly now reset to rage by the question.
"Robin Atwater: Why am I still here?
She waves her arms all about.
"Robin Atwater: Where was I going to go? My father thinks I bring shame to the family and you know how Lebanese can be about that! My mother’s family cast her off when she didn’t marry Italian. I can’t pass for clear and I don’t wanna work on my back… what else am I gonna do?
Calypso nods slowly.
Calypso Bates: How…
"Robin Atwater: What do you fucking care if I’m just fucking peachy or not? You fucking left us behind and now you’ve come to fucking gloat about it? Rub it in our faces that you found your sugar prince and don’t need all thi anymore? Well I’m sorry to fucking tell you, Cali, you can’t because they all left too and I’m the only fucking one… the only one…
Calypso moves to hug her and Robin starts to push back.
"Robin Atwater: No! Don’t touch… leave me alone! Leave me….
As Calypso holds her tightly, Robin bursts into tears.
"Robin Atwater: Please don’t leave me alone! I can’t take it anymore, Cali! I can’t!
Calypso nods, holding her now sobbing old friend.
Calypso Bates: I know… I know…
Robin continues to sob as Calypso holds her tightly.
Calypso Bates: I’m sorry for what I did, Robin… I’m here now… if you’ll accept, I can offer you help…
Robin doesn't move.
"Robin Atwater: Ok…
She continues sobbing as Calypso nods.
Calypso Bates: I've got you, Robin… I’ve got you… it’s gonna be alright…
One day at a time.
It’s always what made “the plan” with Jesse both hilarious and pathetic. Some would say it was even hilariously pathetic because, let’s face it, planning was never my strong suit. How could it be? I was a latchkey kid drug addict who was never thinking any further ahead than what I needed to get myself off next. Every day was about my next immediate need, a meal, a fix, a place to crash, whatever was next on that relatively short list.
One day at a time.
There was no point in planning out because I was the kind of addict that couldn’t keep a stash. Even if i got one, I either did it all way faster than I thought I would or I shared with others so I didn’t feel like the black hole of humanity that wa sucking everything around it down into the abyss that I felt like when I wasn’t sharing whatever was handy with whomever I could share it with. That’s what made it tolerable, was sharing with others. It made it feel like you were in the same boat with somebody else, even if you were both looking for ways out of that boat and into a better one the whole time.
One day at a time.
That came back to bite me in the ass when I left and tried to jump on the gravy train before it pulled out of the station with Jesse. I didn’t think about how I was being that black hole by leaving. At the time, I didn’t care. I thought Jesse could do things for me they couldn’t.
I was both right and wrong at the same time…
April 4, 2022
Common Room
Wolves of Óðinn Clubhouse
Las Vegas, Nevada
9:07 AM PDT
Several of the Wolves were milling about, Sgt-At-Arms Adrian Murdoch and his fellow Black Sheep, Devil Anse Devlin and Marcus Cain stand near the bar shooting the shit about life in general. Prospect Nate “Demon” Odomes is standing behind the bar engaging in the conversation while getting the drinks ready, though with Murdoch involved the beverages are guaranteed to be non-alcoholic. Prospects Shanice “Cuda” Coleman and Calypso Bates sit apart from the rest by a small table near the corner, Cuda looking like she’s in a relatively good mood while Calypso seems distant and almost distracted.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: When do they get back?
Calypso shakes her head.
Calypso Bates: Hm?
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Oracle and Hadlee, didn’t they both go to Minneota?
Calypso nods, a bit sheepishly.
Calypso Bates: Oh, yeah. I think Ram went with them. Rav said they were supposed to come back soon so he and Ram could get to racing practice again soon. I wanna say, Friday, maybe?
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: They get back from Minnesota Friday or they go to practice Friday?
Calypso starts to answer but stops herself.
Calypso Bates: I… don’t know? I…
Cuda smiles.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: It’s alright, I get it. You’re still worried about everything, right?
Calypso sighs heavily.
Calypso Bates: I just… I don’t know which he was talking about and I didn’t press him on it. It wasn’t my business, you know? I’m just a prospect, he’ll tell me if and when I need to know. I know they were working on getting her a team together to help Robi with her rehab to try and get her back to wrestling…
She shrugs sadly.
Calypso Bates: Not that I know what the plan is there anymore anyway.
Cuda nods understandingly.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: She probably doesn’t know either, Cali, it’s not just you. You know she’s not gonna wanna listen to the docs when they tell her to slow down. Hell, I’ve heard there’s only one that can do that and not get threatened with the toe meat treatment!
Calypso snickers at the thought.
Calypso Bates: She would too, the balls on that woman are insane!
Cuda smiles, happy to see her friend in a better mood.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Have you ever met this mythical creature that can supposedly cow our founder?
Calypso nods, a shudder goes up her spine as the memory floods back over her.
Calypso Bates: Yeah, she comes by the cabin when somebody is there because she’s local. Struck me that way too.
Cuda stares at Calypso in shock.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: You mean, she’s real?
Calypso nods slowly.
Calypso Bates: Yup.
Cuda sits back in her chair, seemingly dumbstruck by the revelation.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Wow…
Calypso nods slowly.
Calypso Bates: I’ve heard stories, that she can save lives when it shouldn't be possible. It’s like the ones you hear about Robi, Dru, Widow and Bullet in many ways, just without any violence. Hers come after the violence when that will no longer solve things.
Cuda shakes her head in disbelief.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: What’d she save somebody from a bullet wound with a pencil?
Calypso Bates: Toothpick and drink coaster actually…
Cuda’s eyes narrow in skepticism.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Seriously?
Calypso shrugs.
Calypso Bates: That was the story I heard. Then again, I heard the Shieldmiaden called “Taza” is called that because she killed somebody with a cup after they tried to grope her. I didn’t ask about the particulars. I was a little busy worrying that I would go looking for pills or coke at the time.
Cuda nods understandingly.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Do you still worry about that?
Calypso sits back in her chair, pondering the question for what feels like an eternity.
Calypso Bates: Not like I did then. Then it was fresh in my mind and I was learning how to deal with things without trying to make it all about what I codul get from somebody else. I was trying to learn how to actually give a shit about something other than my next immediate need.
She pauses and manages a small smile.
Calypso Bates: Robi and Lyric were helping me with that, as were Bullet, Taza and a few others there in New Orleans. Ram, Rav, Oracle and Hadlee were there for me too. They all encouraged me to make amends where I could.
Smiling almost sweetly, Cuda nods, impressed.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Have you?
Calypso frowns.
Calypso Bates: Have I what?
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Made amends where you could?
Calypso nods slowly, a tinge of sadness in her eyes.
Calypso Bates: Some…
Now it was Cuda's turn to frown in confusion.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Some?
Calypso nods, the sadness seemingly growing in her.
Calypso Bates: Yeah, I’ve tried with Jesse, Danni, Remi, Leina, worked better with some than others but I’m still working on the last two.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: But…?
Biting her bottom lip, Calypso looks away.
Calypso Bates: But they aren’t the only ones I could…
She trails off as her eyes moisten.
Calypso Bates: There’s a sort of… warehouse… here in town. Some of us used to squat there…
Cuda cocks her head.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Are the others still there?
Calypso shrugs.
Calypso Bates: I don’t know… I…
Her voice starts to crack but she catches herself and tries to pull it all back together.
Calypso Bates: On the one hand, I hope so because it means they’re alive and I still have a chance with all of them. On the other hand, I hope they’re not because it means they found a way out too…
Cuda smiles.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: Wanna go look?
Calypso looks up at her in shock.
Calypso Bates: What?
Cuda nos knowingly.
Shanice "Cude" Coleman: I mean we got the Black Sheep and Demon here, we could all go over there together if you’re worried about facing the place alone? Make sure you got back-up just in case some old dealer comes by looking for trouble.
Unable to find the right words, Calypso almost falls out of her chair. She fights with herself to maintain her composure.
Calypso Bates: I can’t ask them to do that…
Before Cuda can answer, Murdoch stands up off his stool.
Adrian Murdoch: Who said you needed to ask, Cali?
Devlin stands up nodding his agreement.
"Devil Anse" Devlin: We were looking for something to do anyway.
Cain makes it unanimous by standing up as well.
"Marcus Cain: Get your asses up, Prospects, we got places to be!
Twenty minutes later…
The Wolves pull up outside a crumbling warehouse and park their bikes.
Adrian Murdoch: Wow, I think I had a fight in this place one time during my dark years…
Anse nods his agreement.
"Devil Anse" Devlin: This does look like the kind of place that would have doubled that way.
Calypso looks at the place and squeezes her handlebars, memories of the things that went on here the last time she saw it flooding back all at once. Murdoch turns to face her as he steps off his bike.
Adrian Murdoch: Are you gonna be good to go in here?
Calypso starts to nod and then stop, seemingly freezing in place as she looks at the doorway.
Calypso Bates: I don't know… but I need to…
Murdoch turns to face the others.
Adrian Murdoch: I’m gonna call Crissie and Chaly and see if one of them can bring the van over here while we wait as back-up. If you see anyone else come near this place while she's in there, do whatever you gotta do to send them on their way.
Cain, Anse, Cuda and Demon all nod and start taking their places to watch over the place. Murdoch nods to Calypso.
Adrian Murdoch: We’re here if you need us
Calypso nods, takes a deep breath and then steps off her bike. Steeling herself, she walks through the doorway and back into the scene of many of her personal demons. She walks by the old office that has been turned into a “crash room” and walks around the corner into the larger inside area. She swallows hard as she sees almost nothing has changed. Sleeping areas still litter the place, ten in number. She sees the one in the far left hand corner nearest the side door that used to be hers and shudders to see it’s exactly where she left it in 2019. As she stares at it, a cold shiver going up her spine, a voice rings out from the other corner.
Voice: Cali?!!??
Calypso turns to face the voice and ses it belongs to exactly who she feared to see here, Robin Atwater. Calypso starts walking towards Robin, every fiber in her being screaming at her to turn around and run. Robin staggers up and starts forward as well, seemingly unable to believe she’s seeing who and what she is seeing. The two make their way to each other, Robin fighting the effects of whatever she’s taken lately while Calypso fights against her own inner turmoil.
"Robin Atwater: Cali? Is that you?
Calypso nods.
Calypso Bates: Yeah, I…
Before another word can come out of Calypso’s lips, Robin slaps her hard across her face.
"Robin Atwater: How could you!!!?!!
?!Calypso Bates: I deserve that.
Robin nods, her eyes suddenly wild and just as full of rage as they are bloodshot.
"Robin Atwater: Fuckin’ right you did! You LEFT us! You left us all!
Calypso nods again.
Calypso Bates: I did…
"Robin Atwater: Do you have any idea what that did to Liza? To Casey?
Bracing herself for the worst, Calypso looks Robin dead in the eyes.
Calypso Bates: Are they still here too?
Robin glares back at her.
"Robin Atwater: What if they are, you gonna run out of here and hope no one ever finds you again?
Calypso shakes her head.
Calypso Bates: No…
Unmoved and unconvinced, Robin continues to glare back.
"Robin Atwater: One by one, they all…
She trails off, her eyes betraying her, her voice starting to tremble.
"Robin Atwater: Database is gone, Johnny Moss took him in jail. Dead Horse is doing a dime in San Quentin. He got caught in the crossfire of a war and because he squeezed off a shot…
Tears start to roll down her face.
"Robin Atwater: Liza got popped, can’t pay bail. Casey got a job at the Golden Horseshoe or some shit, got somebody to help her fake the drug test so she can pass there. Karen and Alicia work at the Pleasure Dome because they found out management gives free shit to the employees to keep them happy and working. Dana moved in with that piece of shit Mumphrey as basically his live-in whore that works off her tab on her back for him!
Calypso stares at Robin in shock.
Calypso Bates: So… why are you…?
Robin glares through the tears, seemingly now reset to rage by the question.
"Robin Atwater: Why am I still here?
She waves her arms all about.
"Robin Atwater: Where was I going to go? My father thinks I bring shame to the family and you know how Lebanese can be about that! My mother’s family cast her off when she didn’t marry Italian. I can’t pass for clear and I don’t wanna work on my back… what else am I gonna do?
Calypso nods slowly.
Calypso Bates: How…
"Robin Atwater: What do you fucking care if I’m just fucking peachy or not? You fucking left us behind and now you’ve come to fucking gloat about it? Rub it in our faces that you found your sugar prince and don’t need all thi anymore? Well I’m sorry to fucking tell you, Cali, you can’t because they all left too and I’m the only fucking one… the only one…
Calypso moves to hug her and Robin starts to push back.
"Robin Atwater: No! Don’t touch… leave me alone! Leave me….
As Calypso holds her tightly, Robin bursts into tears.
"Robin Atwater: Please don’t leave me alone! I can’t take it anymore, Cali! I can’t!
Calypso nods, holding her now sobbing old friend.
Calypso Bates: I know… I know…
Robin continues to sob as Calypso holds her tightly.
Calypso Bates: I’m sorry for what I did, Robin… I’m here now… if you’ll accept, I can offer you help…
Robin doesn't move.
"Robin Atwater: Ok…
She continues sobbing as Calypso nods.
Calypso Bates: I've got you, Robin… I’ve got you… it’s gonna be alright…
