NFW Collision Aftershock #1

As a transition graphic, the NFW logo fills the screen until the newly clean Aftershock logo slams down. It shatters the glass in a beautiful display. Glass shards shoot in each direction as the newly yellow Collision logo crashes into place right above it. Once the words themselves scatter to the edges of the screen, a high-angled camera slickly pans across a mobile studio trailer in Collision Center’s parking garage. In the bottom-left, a transparent graphic with the date November 2nd, 2021 looks like a remnant of the broken glass from before until it swipes out of view. Once we cut to what’s inside, color-changing LED lights are faintly tinted yellow as Cass Baumer stands with her arms crossed over her chest.

Cass Baumer: Kia ora! I’m Cass Baumer, and this is Collision Aftershock! That’s right, everyone. Aftershock is back... in post-show form! And this time, we’re doing things my way. So instead of wasting your precious time and mine explaining, why don’t we get straight to the good part, aye?

Cass grins deviously as she pulls down a folding bench seat mounted on the sound-proofed wall. She crosses her legs as she sits to reveal a pair of overpriced black Dior sneakers and vintage faded pale green jeans. Baumer shoves her hands into the pockets of her grubby navy blue jacket over her dark brown tank top with a white eagle on the front.

Cass Baumer: I think I’m legally required to add that the opinions I express aren’t necessarily shared by my NFW employers before I start, though. I didn’t have this approved by Mr. Brody or Mr. Callaway, but I got the boss’s permission to do all this in the first place. Now with all the legalese out the way, let’s get onto Collision #111…

Baumer uncrosses her legs and takes a deep breath.

Cass Baumer: Known dickhead Johnny Towers started off the show in Damon Cross’s trashed locker room. He attacked Sylvia at Collision #110, remember. He’s desperately tryna get the World Heavyweight Champion’s attention, even though he got outwrestled by Matt Shields and just got here a cup of coffee ago. He’s worse than Crystal Zdunich’s love life.

She let out a chuckle, then thoughtfully touches her mouth with her index finger.

Cass Baumer: A bit later, it’s revealed that Towers took Damon’s beer and some sort of book that seemed important. Needless to say, the Crusade was pissed! Little Leina got the f-word past the FCC’s censors somehow! With his team ready, the group prepares for how they’re gonna handle Ronnie’s upcoming match with Towers coming up later that night while a recently returned Tren Descarrilado made clear he’s challenging Damon for the title at WrestleWar in six weeks.

A touch of worry crosses her face.

Cass Baumer: If Damon Cross was anybody else, I’d be worried that that’s too much on his plate but we’ve seen the guy go against the totality of The Kingdom before. He’s a champion for a reason, and all I can really say is I can’t wait to see what happens to those who think it’s a great idea to piss him off.

Cass thinks for a moment again.

Cass Baumer: So Leina’s gonna pay Brody back for the fine he more than likely needed to pay the FCC, yeah? I hope she’s got a big piggy bank! And speaking of evil, Sierra Silver beat Keiji Sugiwara next after a more competitive match than most probably expected. Si almost tapped out from Sugiwara’s cobra clutch until she turned it around, hit her Greenheart running double-knee facebreaker, then Silver Sun Risinged him for the win. That’s her high-angle senton bomb, for those playing at home.

Baumer stands from her seat, cracks her knuckles, and looks back at the cold blue glow of the recording studio equipment at the back of the cargo truck. Two computer screens next to each other and turned slightly towards each other sit on a little desk with a wheeled office chair in front of it. It’s all powered by a quiet onboard generator.

Cass Baumer: When it came time for Johnny Towers to fight Ronnie, Lester attacked that asshole before the bell! The two fight through the crowd, then throw each other over the barricade to ringside. By the time both of them got to the ring and the match officially began, the brawl didn’t stop for even a second! The bout was fantastic, a must-watch for anyone listening to my voice, but it had a flat ending. Towers disqualified himself when he bloodied Lester with a thumbtacks-glued brass knuckles punch to the temple. He tried to brutalise Ronnie after the match with stiff mounted strikes when Damon rushes the ring to stop it. Then Towers ran like a little bitch!

The Kiwi shouts the words with a passionate New Zealander accent, then laughs at it a little.

Cass Baumer: Can we get Ronnie Lester versus Johnny Towers II when Lester recovers? I know everybody wants to see Damon versus Johnny, and so do I, but I’d love to see what would happen if Ronnie and Towers battled it out again without disqualifications, too. Then we wouldn’t have to see a lame non-finish. Who’s with me?!

With another yell, Cass pauses to try to calm herself down again.

Cass Baumer: Malaya Diyosa came to Luthor’s office with a reasonable proposal: She wants to fight the Socialites. I’m actually agreeing with Malaya here. Luthor says he’ll give Malaya singles matches against all three, and I’m all for that.

Baumer sits in the office chair and playfully spins around three times before she stops herself with her foot when her attention faces the camera.

Cass Baumer: We move on to Ashley Kenyon, who says she’s not with The Children. She seems to support Kate after she got assaulted by the Children recently but claims it’d be best if she stays out of it unless she’s asked to help.

She pauses again to try to choose her words carefully, her fist cutely under her chin.

Cass Baumer: I believe her. Even when The Children was at large the first time, I think I even remember she always took the piss outta the Lucifer stuff while in the group, but it’d be best not to quote me on that. It was years ago back when HYBRID wasn’t defunct.

The sides of Cass’s mouth tug into a faint smile.

Cass Baumer: I won’t pretend I’ll ever understand the full picture, but I think this was the right move by Ash here. Let’s not dwell too much, though. There’s a lot more of the show to cover.

Baumer stands again.

Cass Baumer: That bitch TAURUS fought Jansen Myrrh in another fun match that ended with bullshit. Cayla grabbed Jansen’s foot when she was about to hit her second Lariat From Hell of the night to end it all! The three got tossed to the outside, then the two got counted out. The two members of THE Beautification Movement continued the fight after the bell and hit Jansen with their finishers. Somehow through it all, Myrrh walked out on her own two feet, gaining heaps of respect from the crowd and myself. She’s a great competitor who deserves more opportunities in NFW, and it’s a shame the match ended in a no contest how it did.

She shakes her head in disappointment.

Cass Baumer: Salacious Intent, Sela Rica-Lark & Abigail Lindsey, ran down Jamie and Lluv (Queen’s Guard II, as I like to call them). The Kingdom tag team run out to respond with violence, getting a few good shots in before the officials have to break them up. Then fellow Kingdom member Moe Renhuan lost to Genesis Champion Katie Anderson when she hit her Bad Street Blues curb stomp.

Nodding, Cass continues.

Cass Baumer: Matt Shields suggested I head on down to the nearby restaurant Enzo Ichibancho for dinner tonight, which I definitely will after this is done uploading! He challenged Sajin Kurosaki from the local Monster Tenryu dojo to an unsanctioned match, next. To everyone’s surprise, he didn’t cheat. He didn’t use weapons. Shields fought fair and square, then gave Sajin credit for his performance. I wouldn’t mind seeing this version of Matt back in the states.

She shrugs.

Cass Baumer: My Zion Wrestling Fusion asshole of a boss, Kai Morgan, won a match against Tommy Janes with a headbutt and an O’Connor roll. It all happened right before Team TRIOCS verbally dragged him live on air. Casey Holiday was there too, explaining why she joined up with the TRIOCS crew, but her reasoning sounded largely selfish to me. The group’s formidable, but it’s like Mary said a little earlier in the night: Team TRIOCS are unproven. The Kingdom is a proven commodity. And if I’ve gotta choose who takes out the Children between those two groups, I’ve made it clear from day one which side I’d support more! Mary kicked Etsuko Mitsuzaka’s ass, and that ‘Mariana Trench Championship’ will be in better hands in no time!! Do it for Morg!!

Baumer starts to grow more animated in how she speaks, talking with her hands before she turns to look out the window.

Cass Baumer: Ever since the Bloody Fairytale era, the Last of the Valkyries have been the undeniable best team in NFW. Christina and Lily flow together in a way only true best friends in their prime can but Leah Aguero and Layla Diaz had their number in the first match of their best of seven series to end the show. You could argue the Second City Rioter grabbed tights in the rollup at the end, and that somehow makes their win not legit. I don’t know what to believe. All I know is, I’m excited for the other six times these four pair off. And that’s when the show ends!

Cass steps closer to the camera.

Cass Baumer: Got a question or comment about anything I’ve said? Have a recommendation for how I can improve for next week? Use #NFWCollisionAftershock on all social media sites (Twitter & Efedder) to talk about it all!

The show cuts forward to a different time of day. It’s nighttime, and Cass sits in her office chair with a pull-down green screen behind her. It shows the upcoming Collision #112 match card.

Cass Baumer: Now that we’re done with the recap, it’s time to do some quick predictions for the next show, shall we?! Use the hashtag #NFWCollisionAftershock to show us your predictions, too.

Xander Fillmore vs. Atlas

Cass Baumer: Surely Xander wins this one, right? He’s got Team TRIOCS’ training program on his side. I don’t know much about this Atlas fella but he seems like a discount TAURUS to me. Next!

Malaya Diyosa vs. Danielle Page

Cass Baumer: Malaya. The Socialites need to be taken down a peg.

Jansen Myrrh vs. TAURUS

Cass Baumer: I like Jansen, I really do, but… Well, I don’t think TAURUS has been beaten yet, has he? I hate him but I think he wins this one. Then maybe Atlas comes out post-match for a badass staredown!

Katelin Descarrilado vs. Jessica Matthews

Cass Baumer: Now this one’s tough. I’ve fought Katelin before. She’s a capable fighter, but then again, she lost to Katie Anderson for the Genesis Champion. If she woulda won, she could have been one half of the ultimate violent power couple side with her husband Tren this time next January, assuming the man who can’t feel pain manages to beat Damon Cross at WrestleWar. She didn’t have it in her, though. I don’t think she has it in her to beat Jessica here, either. But I do think it’ll be a close one. Sleeper match of the night.

Alexandra Caldwell vs. Katie Anderson ©

Cass Baumer: I give Alexandra credit for bouncing back so quickly after her Crystal breakup, but I think Katie wins here. She’s been too dominant to lose the title on a random Collision, although I could see a scenario where her newest simp, Donovan Cunningham, interferes behind the referee’s back to win her the prize. Just keep your eyes peeled, Katie. Otherwise, you’ve got this!

Best Of 7 Series - #2

Second City Riot Squad (1) vs. Last of the Valkyries (0)

Cass Baumer: The Valkyries got this. Tie it up! Show why you’ve been the most complete tag team I’ve seen in years! Then sweep the rest of this Best Of 7 Series for the ultimate statement. That’d be a hell of a thing to see, don’t ‘cha think?

Crystal Zdunich vs. Matt Shields

Cass Baumer: Matt Shields. He tries to pretend like he ain’t athletic AF, like he ain’t capable of winning matches without cheap tricks, but we all know he can. He’s against Crystal Zdunich, too. Sure, she’s accomplished great things in other promotions, but what has she done in NFW besides losing to Mary Matthews? I’m glad she let Alexandra and Seleana go, but she ain’t winning this one.

Tren Descarrilado vs. Johnny Towers

Cass Baumer: This one might surprise you: Tren wins, is my prediction. Yeah, he still hates my guts. Maybe even more so after I was the one who put him on the shelf. But I respect what he can do out there in the ring. I respect his ambition to be top dog. Acknowledging Yukiko, Damon, Risa, and Effy, Tren Descarrilado might just be the toughest son of a bitch in all of NFW, in my opinion. I guess we’ll see if he’s tough enough to beat that bastard Johnny. Just make sure you lock your locker room door, aye bruv? Otherwise, Towers might sneak in.


Cass Baumer: And there we have it! I’ve been Cass Baumer, this has been Collision Aftershock, and I’m headed to Enzo Ichibancho!! Sayonara, bitches!

The hostess waves happily at the camera, then opens the trailer door and steps outside.